It’s 1am and I’m on the deck of a Filipino movie star’s beachside mansion, belting out Bon Jovi’s ‘I’ll Be There For You’ with my new friend Bernie, our voices echoing out across the ocean and half the island. The speakers are turned up to 11. Anyone who knows me knows that I do not sing! But karaoke is a national sport in The Philippines and they take it very seriously. Saying no is as pointless as saying you’re not hungry when invited to join dinner – a chair will be pulled out and a plate put in front of you, so you might as well just eat . Bernie has just turned off the CCTV camera that his movie star wife and former Miss Philippines had installed to keep the peace and quiet in this stunning residence 🙊. The 70 year old ‘Governor’, as they call her, is out of town and he’s cut me a deal to stay at a quarter of the price. They don’t need the money but apparently she’s one tough lady.
And I discovered that I loved it! There is something quite liberating about singing as loud as you can and not caring that most of the 2km x 1km island can hear you. Because nobody else cares. And we scored 99%.
Declining drinks is also impossible but since my request for less coke in my drink resulted in A PINT glass of neat rum being placed before me, I politely sipped it before sharing it round. To drink Filipino style means you down a shot of rum and coke, poured from a jug and garnished with tiny green limes, then the glass is refilled for the next person. Again, pointless to resist (just cross your fingers nobody has a coldsore).
Backtracking a few days, I wanted a even quieter island than Siquijor for the last few days of my trip and the chance to do absolutely nothing, other than swim in the ocean and laze in a hammock. The Philippines has so many possibilities it actually takes some effort to just stop. The place to relax is the tiny island of Malapascua, where there are no roads and no cars, just sandy paths and motorbikes. No doctor either but let’s not worry about that.
To enjoy travelling here is to accept the fact that it takes one day to get anywhere. There is no point trying to rush. The one ferry a day left Siquijor Island at 12.30, called in at Bohol Island and reached Cebu City about 17.00. I ended up spending 3 nights in Cebu City but didn’t really see much – when you ask where to get food and the hostel staff recommend that you just order takeout then that gives you an idea of the area you’re in!
The next day I set off on the five hour bus journey to Maya port at the Northern tip of Cebu island. They told me that the bus runs every hour so I was prepared for a bit of a wait, but as soon as I arrived at the station a bus driver grabbed my bag, threw it in the storage compartment and said ‘Maya? Leaving now!’ 😎
After 5 hours and hundreds of stops a few of us tourists were dropped off at the New Port where some local men were dozing on plastic chairs. We each paid 100 pesos (about $2) and jumped on a tiny speedboat that took us out to where a slightly bigger boat was waiting off shore. Very different to the super ferries!
An hour later I arrived in paradise. I jumped on the back of a motorbike, wearing my 12kg backpack and hanging on to the driver as we crossed the length of the island in under 10 minutes to where I would be staying – the Neverland camp near the North Beach.
To enjoy Neverland you have to get the concept. Half the people here are ‘volunteers’, although I’m not really sure what they were doing other than arts and crafts with local kids who hangout here. (Note to Helen – Flashback to the Filthy Hippies of Hawaii! At least I didn’t turn up in a sports car). I’ve also never seen people eat as much at mealtimes. But anywhere that makes a wooden sign with my name on it and provides me with a home cooked vegan dinner (including chocolate dessert) and kittens to cuddle gets my vote. I loved my little hut and outdoor bamboo shower. I did not love so much the ‘active meditation’. I thought it was going to be a yoga class. For half an hour we walked around in circles, stopping when the ‘instructor’ clapped her hands, at which point we had to find the nearest person and stare into their eyes for a good few minutes, whilst thinking about how that made us feel. This is surprisingly hard and very, very awkward. But not as awkward as then hugging that person and breathing three deep breaths in unison.
It turns out that the Northern beaches are in fact the most beautiful on the island. A few minutes walk away is the ‘secret beach’ by the Lighthouse Bar. A few minutes the other way is North Beach with it’s single beach cafe and couple of stalls selling cold beer and coconut bread. There is absolutely zero hassle from vendors here. They don’t try to sell you anything until you explicitly ask to buy it.
A few minutes past North Beach, over some barbed wire, is ‘Hidden Beach’. This is the site of a former holiday resort, torn down by Typhoon Yolanda. Some of the buildings remain in the form of half standing bathrooms and derelict rooms. It is a little bit eery. The damage is evident in the shanty town where many people are now living. Everybody I encountered was incredibly friendly but I do wonder what they think about the rich tourists wandering through their village to get to the beach.
The north beaches have crystal clear, warm, turquoise water, corals and fish. Once you’ve experienced beaches like this you become somewhat spoilt. I spent four days hopping between beaches, sunbathing and swimming with other people who were staying at Neverland. When you stay somewhere like this it’s easier to make friends to hangout with than spend the day alone – when you’re travelling it’s perfectly acceptable to swap numbers and invite a stranger along for the day whereas at home you’d be considered a nutter or chatting someone up 😬
I wanted to spend my last night as close to the beach as possible. Cue my new friend Joker arranging my stay at the stunning beach residence below. It needs a bit of TLC – I leant on the banister of the steep stairs up to my room and the whole thing gave way – but the view from my room was unbeatable.
This is the view from my private balcony.
There was the added bonus of pet dog Marley who kept me company on the hammock. Malapascua is a lovely, safe place where everyone knows everyone. I had planned to walk around the island as it’s so small, but it was far too hot. No problem though as you can stop any man on a bike and get a lift for about 30p. It’s even more fun when you ride Filipino style, with at least 3 of you on the bike at once. I wish I had taken a photo.
There are actually day trips you can do to other islands, and most people come to dive with the Thresher Sharks. I was content to just be here. Sadly after 4 nights it was time to say goodbye to Malapascua and The Philippines. I had an incredible time here and could have spent several more weeks exploring the other islands on my wish list. As always, I need to come back. Two lasting memories of the amazing Philippines are below …
Or laze in a hammock at the guesthouse by day and be seranaded by the aging long haired manager and his guitar in the evening. I was enjoying the Beatles renditions, resident dog and free San Miguel and didn’t even mind the ‘are you married’ chat until he asked if I had a spare passport photo he could keep in his wallet to remember me – at which point I made a swift exit for an early night 😂
The science behind the Chocolate Hills
Everybody stopped on the runway and took a photo of the volcano 
Maz On The Road 