Days 1-7, Maui, Hawaii. 

Accommodation: Ed’s Tin Shack, Kihei

Travel companion: Helen

The trip has begun – kicking off with two weeks in Hawaii with Helen. We used to live together and haven’t killed each other yet. Our travel style is to make Lists, write journals and play Bananagrams wherever possible. We are attempting to do Hawaii on a budget so we are staying in what’s essentially a tin shack in a junkyard run by the longhaired ageing hippy Ed.

Kihei itself is an underwhelming American retirement zone of strip malls. Actual zimmerframes and mobility cars line the beach. What Kihei does have going for it is Whales – lots of them visible from the shore, breaching, tail slapping and blowing water.

We have hired the smallest car available and apparently we are covered for all damage. Good thing, since Helen drove it straight into a pothole and I haven’t got behind the wheel for atleast 3 years. The middle aged Americans appear like zombie hazards at the crossing and we aren’t sure when to stop.

On our first day we drove down to Big Beach and climbed across the rocks to Little Beach aka Naked Beach – home of the Naked Drum Circle made famous by Steven Tyler. Just as Helen mentioned we hadn’t seen any naked bums yet an old man leapt from the bushes and jogged past in all his glory – result! Naked people stood around drumming – we soon realised that you need alcohol or drugs to enjoy this and we were driving, so we left before the tide came in and trapped us for the night.

Next up was Driving the Road to Hana. This is a mini road trip east to Hana where “the drive is part of the journey”. Which means hairpin bends and 56 single lane bridges, with scenic stops on the way. Highlights were Coconut Glens all vegan ice cream shack, Hawaii classic rock radio and learning the Hawaiian ‘call me’ hand signal we keep getting from other drivers is a greeting and does not in fact mean wanker. Car honk tally 3-2 to Helen – bonus points for getting us nicked in a a police speed trap at 25mph and not noticing until they shouted “TWENNY!!!!” through the window – we are hoping this was just a warning.

Later in the week we drove up the West coast beaches, took in some history at the Lahaina museum (basically Missionaries, sugar camps and the American takeover) and made a date with the Sunset  Ceremony at Fleetwoods, the bar run by Mick who sadly wasn’t in residence as the flag wasn’t flying. This turned out to be a bizarre stand up routine from a Scottish bagpipe player and a rendition of what sounded like If You’re Happy And You Know It Clap Your Hands but was apparently from the Adams Family. He lectured us on experiencing the true Maui culture – but we are still none the wiser on what makes up a local Hawaiian. The Middle Aged Americans loved talking to us and guessing where we are from – most have been to Hawaii about 20 times. 

Even more bizarre was a browse in Mick’s gallery that turned into the keen shop assistant forcing us to get into Mick’s old car complete with driving cap and his Mum’s sun hat for a photo. Either we were supposed to tip him or he just really really loves Mick.

My favourite part of Maui was a snorkelling trip to the Molokini crater via a very fast raft, complete with American enthusiasm- everything is AWESOME and we are going to have THE BEST DAY EVER!!! It ranked pretty high – you can swim around the crater drop offs. Complete with dozens of whales breaching close by and then something amazing happened – over 30 spinner dolphins surrounded the raft and swam alongside for the best part of an hour. The American enthusiasm was infectious and soon everyone was cheering as they jumped and span whilst the music system played Tiny Dancer.

Our last day on Maui started with a glass of Ed’s Green Juice, which he claimed had so many ingredients he couldn’t possibly list them. We ticked a few more things off our Lists today- food trucks, Shave Ice and a tour of the Maui Brewing Company which turned into four hours of playing Connect4. Driving everywhere has its drawbacks –  there are rarely non alcoholic drinks on the menu and nobody else seems to care.

And that’s the whistlestop tour of Maui – next stop the Big Island!